out of work blues

So here I am still sitting on my fat, lazy arse. Wondering what my next step will be! I mean I am way too old to be letting good days go to waste, staying home when the weather is good. Yet here I am again regretting not going out. But you see, as an expat, I have none of my family around, 99% of my friends are at home (I am realistic and know I don’t have that many anyway). So now with no job, I seem to have little, to no purpose to leave the house. I have nowhere to go, no one to go nowhere with and no money to take no one to nowhere. It is all quite depressing.

Sometimes people think moving abroad is so exciting and fun. They forget that this is real life, my life feels like I am stuck on a desert island at the moment. I mean this cannot be what life is like and certainly isn’t what I imagined when I was younger. I am feeling a bit crap today. Today the rollercoaster is definitely on one of its downs.

I feel like my age hasn’t helped and the fact that at this age I also have no kids, so people seem to meet new people at the school gates, at the crèches and they have things in common and stuff to talk about. I don’t have that so it makes it a little harder and I seem to have to go out of my way. It takes time and so much energy and it can be exhausting.

I think that us females think more, which doesn’t help. I find myself analysing and overanalysing everything. I am doubting each and every move I make, or the lack of them. This means my sleep pattern has gone to shit. This in turn means not waking up until later and feeling lethargic and crappy, then all motivation from my plans of the previous day simply have gone. I am constantly checking my mails for the next rejection mail, from some job I don’t even really want. So my question to you is how do I get off this bloody merry-go-round?

I think people underestimate the effect not working can have on people. I feel sometimes that the HR departments around do not have the respect that they should for people applying for jobs, I mean more companies don’t even let you know if you weren’t successful, than those who do It feels demoralising that they can’t even send out a generic mail. I have felt so low, depressed and useless whilst being out of work. I am questioning my abilities and what I am capable of. All in all I have felt like shit.